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SOLACE

Shilla by Shilla
September 18, 2021
in Word
Reading Time: 2 mins read
42
SOLACE

For the moments when lust beat love and enmity beat friendship,chaos beat peace and body beat soul,lost myself in my moments of weakness and let my emotions cloud my judgement. The times when my soul lost and my body won. I defiled my peace and insulted my brain with all the mistakes I made with the excuse of I only live once and tomorrow is not promised. Died a million deaths on my own accord and still craved peace while I churned chaos.

For those days when I hated my existence and questioned my life,bottled my vulnerability in loud laughter and unmatched generosity. That I poured too much even when my cup was dry,too human I assumed am human too. So hard on myself I sold the villain and caged up the me everyone once knew to kill expectations.

The times when I wanted to scream but smiled instead,didn’t realize I was ruining myself. So then my audience requested comfort in my writings,asked for hope said my acrimony was killing them too. So sad I couldn’t give something I’ve never really had. So clutched to acrimony I sought peace in self-harm to guage my sanity before an asylum becomes essential for my saving. Knew I’ve been the demon am fighting so long now but still like all humans I found people to blame. so I balmed up my flaws and coloured my red flags white so no one could see the vile. Too mean I break hearts and dine at my doing but what my victims never know is that,me hurting them breaks me more than it breaks them. For solace I seek refuge at the mercy of mother nature and serve myself a bit of karma before my grace period for redemption runs out. So I sabotage my good,and ruin my own happiness,leave for the reasons I want to stay. In that quest I am a sadist to those that adored me and too kind to the wicked maybe trying to get bait for my own sins so I won’t have so much guilt to haunt me when I sit alone.
To the failures I gassed up till they became victories and to my achievements that I trashed because I was less worthy of celebrating. I am mostly sorry to my heart that I broke it so much so I couldn’t be vulnerable. Am tagged strong for the tears I never let out but maybe I was my own ruin. Too damaged made an exit in this arena but the heart always goes back where it feels home and only writing keeps me sane. Too ashamed to pen my nudity but am graced with the fact that I know am not the only one,never been,never will be. You won’t say it but atleast I said it for us both🤝

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Comments 42

  1. Ness〽️ says:
    10 months ago

    🙌🔥🔥🔥💯

    Reply
  2. Kristy Wright says:
    10 months ago

    It is finished.

    Reply
  3. Sandra says:
    10 months ago

    Wow🙌🙌

    Reply
  4. Nick says:
    10 months ago

    I love this

    Reply
  5. Jay says:
    10 months ago

    Ooh my Lord! this girl can write.

    Reply
  6. echelon135@gmail.com says:
    10 months ago

    Lovely piece.

    Reply
  7. Lorren says:
    10 months ago

    This right here is the best piece out of all.I relate to everything but you know at the end we all need saving and for you to realize and acknowledge your pain and the source of you being a villian makes redemption possible!
    Now celebrate this win because you deserve it! Good job Twin!

    Reply
  8. joanivy says:
    10 months ago

    ❤❤❤💐

    Reply
  9. Mburu says:
    10 months ago

    Aaw I like this girl

    Reply
  10. TGUL says:
    10 months ago

    🔥🔥❤️❤️❤️❤️💯

    Reply
  11. A.N.F says:
    10 months ago

    You said it for both of us 🥂

    Reply
  12. Peter Mulei says:
    10 months ago

    💯💯🔥

    Reply
  13. yvonnekinya93@gmail.com says:
    10 months ago

    Awesome shee ❤️

    Reply
  14. Faith Mueni says:
    10 months ago

    That’s my momma 😘😘😘💎

    Reply
  15. Tony says:
    10 months ago

    Great writer with amazing skills 🔥🔥

    Reply
  16. Krisfreedah says:
    10 months ago

    Mahn🤤🤤😘😘

    Reply
  17. William says:
    10 months ago

    🔥🔥🔥

    Reply
  18. Tracey says:
    10 months ago

    Great piece ❤️❤️

    Reply
  19. Saudayusuf says:
    10 months ago

    ❤❤👏

    Reply
  20. Møza says:
    10 months ago

    Nice piece💯💯🔥

    Reply
  21. Møza says:
    10 months ago

    🙌🏾🔥🔥🔥🔥

    Reply
  22. Paula says:
    10 months ago

    My best❤️❤️❤️❤️😘😘😘

    Reply
  23. Doreen Kasivi says:
    10 months ago

    To the achievements i trashed because i was less worthy of celebrating…. You truly did say it for both of us❤👏👏

    Reply
  24. generali says:
    10 months ago

    🔥🔥🔥

    Reply
  25. Happy says:
    10 months ago

    Girlie ✨, you might just be right on being my new favorite writer. It’s in the manner in which your words take shape to convey a message- so true & unconventional- without upstaging each other.

    Reply
  26. Mae says:
    10 months ago

    So smooth 🔥

    Reply
  27. Vivian💎 says:
    10 months ago

    Incredibly awesome snippet 🔥💯

    Reply
  28. Kiala says:
    10 months ago

    ART💪

    Reply
  29. abdigafar says:
    10 months ago

    Please write a book so that we can break the Guinness record of sales because your writings are wow

    Reply
  30. Pundit says:
    10 months ago

    Awesome 👏

    Reply
  31. Mbesa says:
    10 months ago

    Draling keep up !
    Keep the fire burning …Am a proud friend who falls
    In love with your works …

    Reply
  32. Mbesa says:
    10 months ago

    Wonderful 😍

    Reply
  33. Kendi says:
    10 months ago

    this piece is awesome 💯💯 Shila I just love your work 👌it always relate in one way or another 🔥🔥🔥

    Reply
  34. Owen says:
    10 months ago

    This is so lit.🔥🔥

    Reply
  35. Elizabeth Marubu says:
    10 months ago

    Wow gurl keep it up😍

    Reply
  36. Manu+kt says:
    10 months ago

    Awesome and veery creative,, keep it up

    Reply
  37. Roberto says:
    10 months ago

    Nice

    Reply
  38. Ephraim says:
    10 months ago

    Feels like you’ve known me since my childhood, even though we’ve never met eye to eye. your work of art is meticulously planned, distinct from the other and so real that every time I sit down to read there is always an avenue of reality that is opened and suddenly am able to explain things I would have otherwise no means of explaining even though I have experienced. If this isn’t the short version of me then I don’t know what is.

    #DE Javu

    Reply
  39. Reece says:
    9 months ago

    Solace🔥🔥🔥🔥

    Reply
  40. Reece says:
    5 months ago

    Solace is just it❤️❤️

    Reply
  41. Mulondu says:
    5 months ago

    works of art for a wounded heart… your work speaks volumes, may your words be source of healing to many

    Reply
  42. Ann says:
    5 months ago

    I love 💕 this 🔥♥️

    Reply

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