I passed by a woman, and she held her bag tight like I was a threat. It hurt a bit.
I was just drowned in disappointment from failed appointments in premises that looked the other way when I had job inquiries. They only hired because boys can’t handle a lot of money and not steal it.
I pierced my ear, almost got banished from my hometown that I have lost direction. So I let it close up! I don’t know if what I am is what people term ugly, but am too dark (black) my face has pimples and my front teeth are too big. My nose is wide, my head is egg-shaped and my chin is beardless. I don’t know if this is what ugly looks like but when I pass by, people pocket! Women hold onto their bags, kids cringe to the corners, girls pull their skirts down and men fold their fists ready for war! Too scary that I even scare myself! My mother thinks am on drugs, my siblings believe it and my dad is tired. Because I am rude at times, too silent on other days, my appetite is on and off and I barely talk nor smile like I used to. Everyone thinks it’s the drugs, but I wish it was, my depressing depression is becoming addictive and maybe it’s the highest that could make me high. The burning rage of my tamed manhood, the pain of being a receptor of hate, or whatever this is that the society feeds me!
I am just an innocent jobless boy born dark with rough hair and darker lips! That doesn’t make me a criminal does it?
I need a savior but men “don’t” cry! Or men shouldn’t cry! I don’t know which is that was fed to us. In the belief that a man is strong, whirled in the belief too long that I neglected myself to numb. Did it on repeat that this monstrous numb being was born, no remorse! No mercy! Because men are “vile!”