Take you back to when your eyes were fixed on the price. To your optimistic young self that lived for tomorrow. To the future orientation glimpses you created in your head and coloured the red flags white that maybe patience would serve you your desires on a silver platter. Or better yet that the world would treat you any better for being a good person. Before the world crumbled on your feet that you took everything in because resilience died along the way of consistent failure. You believed less as the years went by and gave in to every pinch of fire that your brain lit that in between the war of soul and mind,your mind won.
To the moments when you lived in moments of weakness and commited yourself to distraction,wanted a distraction so bad you lost your soul saving your brain. The rain bet you so hard you let the rope loose. You’ve fallen too far redemption feels impossible so you wander in the choices you made when you started giving up. Too far fallen that you have no hope of finding the you desperation damaged. You indulge to dodge your regrets. That even when you knew it’s wrong you wrapped it up in the phrase of not living forever. Too timid and faithless that you left what your heart held for a handful of a goodday without a next day. Before you gave up opening up because you became too much to everyone around you so for validation you normalized smiling and throwing your shit under the bus. You’ve bottled up everything that destroyed your core that now you’ll take any hand that stretches to save you and still you would reject every hand. Sorry to the real you that I talked too directly to you to mask up the nudity my bleeding pen unveils. That I take too much away from your heart to spit what I can’t swallow because saying me feels heavier than saying you. I am sorry to you that I address you to seek solace for the monster my pain created,and to serve myself a little bit of karma I believed that I am not alone yet so alone that I have no one to talk to,too long that I smear my blood on paper,break my vocal cords with pen and sprinkle out the broken remnants of me!