BACK IN THE RING

May I write words more naked than flesh,stronger than bone,more resilient than sinew, sensitive than nerve.
May I reach depths that my hands can’t touch. I’ll remind you that, one day the people you are making sacrifices for will turn around and tell they didn’t ask you to.
Sadly, they’ll be right! I won’t convince you it ain’t worth it though,if I do,I’ll be lying more to me than to you! I too have had my episodes! I’ve outdone and stretched my back for people to do for them things I’d never do for myself. But I do not know what it is like to not have deep emotions. Even when I feel nothing,I feel it completely. And there’s always a little sadness inside my happiness. I’ve never been able to separate the two over the years.
I want to talk about what happened without mentioning how damaging it was. There has to be a way, a way to care for the wounds without reopening them.
To name the pain without inviting it back to me. Apologies because I wallowed in the abbys of passion and lost track of time when I thought I found love. No,not a thought,I had it. All in clogged my mind and unleashed folly. But I only write best when I am falling apart and least inspired to write. I didn’t leave,I didn’t stop because art never dies, my inspiration comes from odd places,like seeing a black man crack and a government bow to opposition. My inspiration comes from misery and the money I see being exchanged in traffic. My inspiration comes from the moments when I hit rock bottom.
I always find my way back to art. Always!
Haha! Jokes on me though,hearts like mine get broken by hearts like his! I know because for months I walked on eggshells and I’ve held my breath in awe…
Pardon me I’ve been out of the ring too long I forgot how to focus. My mind rummages and I can scribble.
I have love love in me,the likes of which you can scarcely imagine. And I’ve never written about love because you’d be shocked. There’s nothing hopeless about being a romantic. It’s the one thing I shove‼️
Like the sound of his feet when he goes to the bathroom. Like scars on the sides of his ears!
Yet the enormity of my desire disgusts me! I hate that I’ll always want more and nothing humiliates me more than my own desires.
Nothing makes me hate myself more than being burdensome and less than self-sufficient.
I do not want to feel like the kind of nagging woman who might exist in a sit-con.
Saying something dangerous,I am afraid of the word!
It’s the first time I’m full of audacity since I met took a leave haha!
Wait on me while I walk out of the corridors of love because for sure I’ll be back on the pages. I’ll bleed on paper and there’s times when we’ll all laugh at my faint pen.
Owh I’m sorry Mulira that’s your title pardon me. I apologize too much,it’s an almost trauma response!
Don’t get it wrong I am not a victim,I am a result!